…the almost right word

i spent almost two hours chatting online with an old friend today. quite wonderful conversation about what’s real. i am high with excitement and butterflies. i love reconnecting (or just connecting in general) with people who really know me…people who really get me. suddenly i am reminded of miss a_ desperately.

you know, as overwhelming as my head can get, i feel so alive having these thoughts in it. it makes me feel that, even though i often believe i’m not taking advantage of life, i actually am. it is truly revolutionary.

i’ve been haunted by my dreams lately. they all involve my past. and my parents. and good friends. the therapist and i spent the whole hour talking about these dreams. and we will probably spend the next hour doing the same, because they keep coming…the dreams. and i most likely wake up sweating profusely and i anxiously await for my body temperature to decrease which then inevitably leads to the chills. am i still on vicodin?

oh yeah. i had surgery and finally took care of my hernia — it was pretty easy-going and i found the overall experience kind of…interesting. i like medicine, i think. have i mentioned this before? it is so clearly a result of my new obsession, but i think it is a sincere interest.

i remember, vividly, the experience of getting my blood drawn every three months my freshman year. yay genetics. i loved watching the nurse find my vein and pull the blood into the syringe. having the surgery reminded me of that. in a good way. of course there was some pain. and admittedly, some vicodin. but it wasn’t too terrible, and r_ was wonderful.

perhaps i should have gone to medical school?

i certainly wouldn’t be the dead head that i am today!