…the almost right word

*bam*, you remember a snippet from a dream.
i just realized…

last night, i was in santa cruz.
on campus, at ucsc.
walking through the moist trees.
crossing the cowell parking lot
to the stevenson parking lot.
i was headed to the coffeehouse.
i was happy and safe.

i actually dream about being there again quite often. i have to just give in — i left too soon, too abruptly. i wasn’t ready. eventually, i’ll need to go back. and it will be wonderful.

“I’m really in the way as a person,” he said. “The myth has taken over. I find myself an appendage. I’m no longer necessary. I’m in the way. It would be much better if I died. Then people could take the myth and make films.”

i became enamored with hunter s. thompson during my “beat” phase. i read fear and loathing, watched the movie a handful of times, and then dove into tom wolfe (the electric kool-aid acid test was an amazing book, and so well written — far superior to i am charolette simmons, one of his most recent novels). i compare the two writers only because of a comparison made in the nytimes article:

“I would argue that Hunter and Tom Wolfe are the two most original voices to come out of journalism in the last century, and it’s no coincidence that they both worked for Jann Wenner at Rolling Stone…”

indeed, thompson was an original.

“gonzo: the life and work of dr. hunter s. thompson” is a documentary comprised of rare footage (including home movies, audiotapes and excerpts from unpublished writing) and narrated by johnny depp. i’ve read repeatedly about depp’s fascination with thompson. he spent an extensive period of time living with the man and studying his every move, in order to perfect his performance for “fear and loathing.” i caught an interview once, with depp and hunter thompson himself — the similarities between the character in the movie, and the character in real life (because yes, he was a character) were uncanny.

the film is currently awaiting release, but it’s already saved in my queue.

Thompson, whose defects of character could occupy a separate ZIP code, was not just an original, he was also a patriot and a romantic. Working from the far reaches of the culture and often lucidity, Thompson, who died in 2005 at 67, changed the way that much of America thought about itself, in part because his version of journalism threw a grenade at the bland convention of formal balance and straight reporting.

ben and jerry’s organic strawberry ice cream
i just picked up a carton of this orgasmic wonder. honestly, what took me so long to realize that strawberry ice cream is uniquely amazing? i’ve always been a ben and jerry’s fan, a hardcore fan actually. i’ve gone through my share of favorite flavors. this one may take the cake. or the cone, as the case may be.

basil
best. herb. ever. considering the fact that i’m prone to crave italian food (specifically spaghetti), basil happens to be my favorite herb. now, don’t get me wrong — cilantro is the key to quality guacamole, and baked potatoes are nothing without chives, but basil is the main herb i’d want to grow at home.

goat cheese
a friend recently wrote an entire blog post about this particularly wonderful food. being that i’ve waited tables in an italian restaurant, and now a spanish restaurant, i’ve experienced a wide range of goat cheeses. last night i was fortunate enough to recieve an “herbed catalan goat cheese drop” that was just heaven in my mouth. especially with our spanish olive oil and fresh bread.

just desserts black tie cupcakes
this san francisco-based company makes the best desserts, and you can find them almost anywhere (anywhere there is a whole foods). i’ve sampled quite a few of their quality products. i recommend them all, but especially the mocha single serve cake and the black tie cupcakes.

when?
some day!
in eight years!

this, is me. (actually, it’s when harry met sally) i’m not worried about turning 30. actually, i’m not even worried about turning 35. i’ve got plenty of time. it’s forty that worries me. and i can’t help but hear this conversation in my head, as if suddenly i have become sally albright who orders her chef salad, with the oil and vinegar on the side. and the apple pie a la mode…but i’d like the pie heated, and i don’t want the ice cream on top. i want it on the side. and i’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. if not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream. but only if it’s real. if it’s out of a can, then nothing.

not even the pie?

no, just the pie. but then not heated.

miss gould’s book proposal has now been “leaked” to the press. i actually discovered this on gawker’s home page, a site i have never looked at, until today (seriously); yes, that’s the website that she spurned in her nytimes article (not that i blame her). gawker actually links you to a new york magazine article on her upcoming book — and the heart says, “whatever.“ the article’s introduction is on the verge of brutal:

Oh God. We seem to have gotten a copy of former Gawker editor–recent Times Magazine cover subject–chronic-oversharer Emily Gould’s book proposal, And the Heart Says, “Whatever.” We’re not going to pass judgment, not even about the title.

she obviously has something in her writing, or in her writing style, that attracts people — i’ll read her book (which is a “fictional memoir” — i think that’s the best way to describe this “new genre.” it certainly is an accurate description of our ole pal, james frey. and david sedaris is now discussing his own creative embellishments). an image of one paragraph from the gould mauscript was published by new york magazine. most of the comments are rather…negative (yes, i know i should not be surprised).

i just don’t feel ready to pass judgement based on one paragraph.

i was in chile, back in santiago. i could feel it in the air.
but we were sitting at the coyote cantina (one of my favorite santa fe “bars” because it’s on a rooftop and open-air). i was with friends.

i realized, suddenly, that i had to get to work. so i rushed to catch a micro. i remember saying “micro,” the chilean slang for their public buses — giant, monstrous evil diesel machines that blow black death smoke from their engines. drivers wield them through the high-speed, congested streets, occasionally hitting pedestrians. they murder handfuls of people every year. i said the word “micro” like it was normal — we were in santiago. but we were speaking english.

when i got to work, it was the italian restaurant i worked at for two years when i first moved to santa fe. it was that restaurant, but it looked like a typical chilean restaurant, with menus written in spanish. i apologized to the owner for being late, but we spoke only in english.

i put on my apron and approached a table, nervously, awkwardly. i attempted to interact in puro español. it felt like my tongue was tied and i had forgotten almost every word.

ironic, isn’t it? all i want is to dream in spanish. and yet, when i finally do, i only speak one spanish word the entire time.

I bite my nails. I’ve been biting them since I developed teeth. I remember, back when my parents were still married and life was seemingly normal (before I was five years old), one of them took me to Toys-R-Us. Do those stores even exist today? We used to visit them regularly, in anticipation of upcoming birthday parties. I was a semi-spoiled only-child who could not leave without receiving a gift of my own. Usually barbies. But on this particular day, when one of them brought me to Toys-R-Us, I was bribed.

“We’ll buy you this teddy bear if you stop biting your nails,” I was told. Keep in mind, I was not more than four years old. The teddy bear in question was immediately dubbed “Heart to Heart Bear,” mostly because that’s what was sewn on his shirt. I treasured him. Beneath his nightgown, there was a pocket in his little teddy bear chest. And, in this pocket, was a plastic “heart” that had a button. When the button was pressed, it would feel like a literal beating heart. Eventually I removed the heart because it interrupted my sleep (it was, no surprise, subsequently lost).

After the divorce, he traveled back and forth with me, in my backpack. I never slept without him. That is, until I became a teenager, got a boyfriend, and decided he was better off at home. Of course, he came with me to college. However, I decided to leave him behind when I spent a year living in South America. I remember coming home, at the end of that year, excited to see him. I was 21 years old.

He still sits on my bed, and occasionally rests under my arm while I am sleeping. Yes, dear Reader, I still sleep with a teddy bear.

Needless to say, I still bite my nails. Bribes + young kids = unsuccessful, in my humble opinion.

Here he is, in all his torn and aged glory. My father’s mother wrestled him from me once, when I was still young. She insisted he be washed. She carefully removed his sleeping cap and his nightgown in order to put him in the washing machine. Though we are still in possession of his nightgown, the sleeping cap was never placed back on his head (and it, too, was subsequently lost). I always resented her for that.

Now, when I notice that his nightgown is falling apart, I immediately rush to a sewing kit. Perhaps I’ll never be ready to “grow up” and pack him away in a box in the attic. Perhaps he’ll always be sitting on my bed.

berekely in the sixties — mark kitchell — an award-winning documentary on the most politically active college campus in history. the film’s main focus is the free speech movement (there is now a small cafe on the berkeley campus called the ‘free speech movement cafe‘) and the anti-war protests. amazing footage — joan baez, allen ginsberg, m.l.k., the grateful dead. there is also a brief section on the origin of people’s park, which was extremely controversial. the stories are told by the activists themselves, activists whose ghosts continue to haunt the streets and corners of this city and school. i have been enamored with the sixties since i first discovered the beats as a kid. in fact, this is probably the reason i wanted to attend berkeley for undergraduate (i wound up at uc santa cruz instead). upon graduation, i moved to berkeley to be with some friends. living in that city was a trip. my apartment was blocks from people’s park. i walked by it on a regular basis, on my way to bookstores or a coffeeshop. it felt like i was living in a part of the past that i had always worshiped.

commune — jonathan berman –in 1968, a group of people founded the black bear ranch commune, located on a large piece of property in siskiyou county, northern california. the purchase of the land was funded by popular rock musicians of the time, and the ranch slogan was “free land for free people.” it was a random group of people, all looking for an alternative living situation; looking to get as far away from the u.s. government as possible. eventually, the original group (including actor peter coyote) left the commune, but new generations have continued to carry on the spirit of living on the land. in 1987, the ranch was adopted as a trust, protecting it from any form of development. if you happen to give this movie a go, you must watch the special feature interview with peter coyote. he is well-spoken and passionate, a perfect example of the general mindset that existed on this particular piece of land at this particular time. watching this documentary makes you want to throw your laptop into the ocean and run for south america.

i’m not a big meme fan, but i am a big fan of oleoptene, and since she tagged me….

the rules:

1. write the title to your own memoir using 6 words.
2. post it on your blog.
3. link to the person who tagged you.
4. tag 5 more blogs.

my memoir title, though cliché:

• continually stepping forward while falling behind •

and now, i will tag (and i apologize ahead of time):

1. marGOt to bed
2. when life hands you lemons
3. distracted spunk
4. …and hijinks ensued
5. half deserted streets

because i’m still too out of it to write something worthwhile.

due to the worst sore throat i have ever had in my life (which i am hoping is not strep for the ninety-thousandth time), there will be a brief pause in my posts.

stay tuned….

for now, i entice you: if you’re on facebook, then you should seriously consider becoming a fan of the a.r.w. on its very own facebook page!

there is a new phrase that has been buzzing around like a mad, honey-crazed bee…..”quarterlife crisis.” being that i am literally in the midst of my own “quarterlife crisis,” i feel particularly adept at writing about it. although i wonder, every day, if i am actually just suffering from my own conditioning. i am not depressed. in fact, i may not even be in need of medication. and so, i begin to consider the possibility that this is, indeed, a “quarterlife crisis.” the rumors are true, dear reader, it exists.

so, what do we actually do in a quarterlife crisis? do we turn to our blog, determined to “make something?” do we enroll in classes and pursue a master’s degree? do we get a good-paying-job-that-isn’t-all-that-enjoyable until we figure out what we really want?

i have no idea what i really want.

on that note, the a.r.w. recommends a semi-new web-series, from the guys that brought you my so-called life (marshall herskovitz and edward zwick): quarterlife. originally, the “show” was released in thirty-six “episodes” — each episode was anywhere from seven to ten minutes long. there was even a regular “time slot” — new episodes aired once a week. eventually, the show got picked up by nbc. it was canceled after one episode. now i’m not saying that you can compare quarterlife to my so-called life. but i watched all thrity-six episodes. go figure.

did anyone catch this article in vanity fair? granted, reading it online is rather difficult since there is an image of angelina jolie’s HUGE cleavage in the sidebar…and the article is six pages long. but, next to that emily gould article i wrote about incessantly, this was probably one of the most worthwhile online reads i have had in a while.

the article is on james frey, yes, that controversial name that either sends you running and screaming or intrigues you to no end. me, i’m intrigued. yeah, frey fracked up. we all know that. but he still wrote that book, and wasn’t it the book that we were impressed with? so what if the story wasn’t factual, the writing was impressive. vanity fair spent a considerable amount of time with frey in order to present “his side of the story” as accurately as possible. in the article, we learn that frey was inspired by writers such as kerouac and bukowski — he wanted to do something different, he wanted to break the rules. i admire that. the article goes on to critique the complications of the publishing industry and the memoir trend that has taken us by storm.

conclusion? i am going to read his latest book, bright shiny morning. it takes place in l.a., why wouldn’t i?

side note: a fellow blogger read this book and wrote a short critique of it in her most recent post!

1. francesca lia block — this afternoon, i finished reading one of her most recent novels, quakeland. it was, by far, one of her more unusual books. her first novel, weetzie bat, was published in 1989 while she was a student at berkeley. weetzie bat rocked my world. and i’d bet money (yes, the benjamins themselves) that if i read it again today, it would still rock my world. block has a remarkable imagination, and her writing is exceptional. she creates a world in which l.a. is not the smog-filled, traffic-injected, ugly city that i remember, but a great land of dreamsicles and fairies. quakeland was a surprise. and still wonderful. if you’re new to her work, start with dangerous angels: a collection of the weetzie bat books.

•••••••••••••••••••

2. miranda july — this afternoon, i stumbled upon a rather entertaining link — no one belongs here more than you. the title alone attracted me. the entertaining, artistic promotional site behind the link further lured me. i love anyone who creates something new from something we hardly consider in our daily lives. miranda july has certainly done this here. and yes, perhaps i’ll check out the book as a result. i originally discovered july when i heard about ‘me and you and everyone we know,’ in which she acted, but also wrote and directed. fun fact: she’s also a banana slug, which means i have to love her (even if she never graduated).

* in honor of my quickly approaching jaunt to the city that will always be home to me; written with laura veirs’ (no, she’s not an l.a. resident) “chimney sweeping man” playing in my ears, thank you un.

(warning: not the most uplifting post)

a guy i knew was found dead yesterday. i worked with him when i first moved to santa fe. and we spent many evenings drinking together, running into each other at bars, etc. he was one of those guys that everyone seemed to know. his brother found him. he died alone, on his couch. he was, by far, one of the loneliest people i have ever known.

things to remember, so as not to forget:

• he had a great laugh, a memorable laugh. he laughed loudly and awkwardly.
• he referred to every girl as “baby,” but somehow it was always endearing.
• he talked endlessly. he had stories to tell and always wanted to draw laughter out of everyone.
• he laughed with you at his own stories.
• he wrote poetry. i never got to read any.
• he was thoughtful. considerate. insecure with beautiful women.
• he sat next to me at the first strip club i ever went to. he talked in my ear and we laughed together.
• he was always talking.

For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
~Kahlil Gibran, from “The Prophet”

vienna (for mac users)
it’s an apple-friendly program that acts as a blog reader — way better than google, in my humble opinion. just discovered it, through a friend, this morning. what a handy way to see new blog posts, without having to check websites multiple times a day (which i was previously doing).

laura veirs
currently listening to a shuffle of two albums: saltbreakers and year of meteors. she’s very chick-rocky, but not in that ‘yeah yeah yeah‘ sorta way. the a.r.w. specifically recommends the track ‘galaxies’ on year of meteors — this was the song that won me over. she’s been touring, so check her out and give her some love.

indiebloggers.org
this site features a different blog post everyday, from talented bloggers around the interwebs. the a.r.w is now an ‘editorial assistant’ for indiebloggers, so you know what that means — it must be good! in all honesty, i’ve been very impressed by the quality of writing on this site, and i really look forward to contributing and searching for new content. founder and editrix: jurgennation.

remember when, months ago, i posted a bit from a nytimes article about the “end of vinyl?” it literally claimed that vinyl (yes, those are records…as in actual albums) was on the endangered species list. how surprised am i, then, when rolling stone publishes an article about the resurgence of vinyl!?

As CD sales continue to decline and MP3s are traded without thought, the left-for-dead LP is staging a comeback. In 2007, according to Nielsen SoundScan, nearly 1 million LPs were bought, up from 858,000 in 2006. Based on to-date sales for 2008, that figure could jump to 1.6 million by year’s end…Sales of turntables — which tumbled from 1.8 million in 1989 to a paltry 275,000 in 2006, according to the Consumer Electronics Association — rebounded sharply last year, when nearly half a million were sold.

well, then the article goes on to mention cat power’s latest album (oh how i once adored cat power back in her moon pix/what would the community think/you are free days…where did those days go?), and portishead’s latest album, which are both available at more common music distributors like amazon and best buy. could it be true that the claim made in that nytimes article was false? ::gasp:: are lp’s rebounding? do any of you semi-faithful readers (it’s not a diss, i assure you) out there still listen to vinyl? or am i the only one who prefers such stone-age technology?

we’re quickly approaching the 1,000 mark here at the almost right word. in fact, you may be the 1,000th reader at this very moment! if i could kiss you, i would.

i just had to express my excitement and appreciation for readers, new and old.
…a more substantial post will come later, i assure you.

until then,
un mil gracias,
the a.r.w.

editorial note/postscript: we did it! yay!
(image added in celebratory glee)

some of those that i’ve played over and over again within the past few years…

death cab for cutie — title and registration — the first death cab song that really won me over. this, along with the following song, were the theme songs for my last break-up in 2006. i remember not being able to get the tune, nor the lyrics, out of my head. death cab recently released a new c.d., anyone heard it yet?

the postal service — nothing better – great frackin’ lyrics, in fact, it may be my top “break-up song” of all time. i know everyone just swooned over their album, but this was the main track that i actually swooned over. though this place is a prison wasn’t too shabby. the rumors are that we won’t be seeing another postal service album anytime soon…

the album leaf — always for you — discovered this week after hearing another track of theirs on grey’s anatomy. simple, yet sweet. most of his music is instrumental, but the tracks that have lyrics are all good. i recommend writing on the wall and wherever i go as well.

tegan and sara — dark come soon – this is only one of many ‘t and s’ tracks that i’ve played on repeat over the last year. i think the entire album (the con) is rocking, with the exception of the first track. and yes, we know i’ve been rather infatuated with these girls for some time.

ani difranco — recoil – i go through ani phases (as i’m sure has become clear). sometimes i won’t listen to her music for months, and then, out of nowhere, *bam*! she’s back in the mix! i rediscovered this song a few months ago and my itunes still says it’s second on my top 25 most-played list.

timbaland — the way i are — last summer, a friend of mine got a new car. we drove through tesuque, way too fast, blasting this track. timbaland always knows how to make a hit. this one is no exception. and yes, i’ve even enjoyed his collaboration with justin timberlake (gasp!).

outhud — the stoked american – who knows what genre these guys fit into, but they rock. this is, yet again, only one of the songs from this album that i have listened to too many times (see below: !!! (chk chk chk). to give you a better idea of what they’re like, rolling stone said: Art-funk students non-pareil, this cool and collected Brooklyn band uses guitars like proper rhythm instruments, meshed best (as on “My Two Nads”) with penetrating drums, space synths and a dash of sticky dub.

snoop dogg — drop it like it’s hot — my friend and i listened to this song all the time after work, driving around santa fe to get booze. eventually i printed out the lyrics and memorized them — yes, that’s right, i can actually keep up with snoop and yes, i do rap out loud in my car when i’m alone (or not alone), and yes, i’m a white girl.

the notorious b.i.g. — get money (with junior m.a.f.i.a.)– anyone who ever loved biggie knows this song. i got into it after seeing the movie ‘prime’ (cheesy, but worthwhile: uma thurman + bryan greenberg = hot). probably my favorite b.i.g. song.

!!! (chk chk chk) — shit schiesse merde, pt. 1 and pt. 2. – discovered these guys in college. they’re crazy. this track is a bit political i.e. the lyric: “what did george bush say when he met tony blair? shit schiesse merde.” classic. they’re also the group behind ‘outhud’ (see above).

tabi bonney – elevator – i randomly found this guy through myspace and bought the album a fly guy’s theme. this is some great underground, undiscovered hip hop. dope is kick-ass. bonney is originally from west africa and has opened for ll cool j and outkast, among others.

rilo kiley — close call – the first rilo kiley song that won me over. i’m pretty sure they played this at coachella, which, of course, drives me craaaazy. npr says that this track is about “an adult who is getting money for sex.”

phish — you enjoy myself — last, but in no way least. rolling stone recently voted this song as #85 of the top 100 greatest guitar songs of all time. phish has been a favorite since high school. i never did have the opportunity to see them live, but if they ever do a reunion tour, i’m there.

dear reader(s),
today, the almost right word may be able to reach 1,000 visits!! for a fledgling blogger like myself, this prospect is quite exciting. so i implore you, add me to your blogroll, recommend me to your friends…help me reach that wonderfully round number!

yours truly, and with much appreciation,
the a.r.w.